Amy Anderson
Post Author
For most of my twenties, I avoided eye contact, small talk, and any room that had more than five people in it. I wasn’t shy—I had social anxiety. The kind that makes you rehearse what to say before ordering coffee. The kind that turns parties into panic attacks. People assumed I was distant or cold, but inside, I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I didn’t want to be invisible. I just didn’t know how to be seen.
This is the story of how I finally started overcoming social anxiety. It’s not a miracle cure or a one-week transformation. It’s a slow, clumsy, and very human path toward connection—starting with one honest conversation and one real friend.
Table of Contents
- What Social Anxiety Feels Like
- The Moment That Broke Me Open
- Small Practices That Helped
- How I Met My First Real Friend
- The Slow Beauty of Trust
- Conclusion
What Social Anxiety Feels Like
Social anxiety isn’t fear of people—it’s fear of judgment. It’s believing that every smile is fake, every laugh is at you, and every silence is your fault. I would skip events, cancel plans last minute, and replay conversations in my head like they were courtroom evidence.
Even texting made me nervous. I deleted messages before sending them. I retyped “Hey, how are you?” six times. Then I’d leave it in drafts for days.
“I feel like I’m constantly performing,” I once told my therapist. “And failing, silently.”
The Moment That Broke Me Open
It happened at work, of all places. I was paired with a new teammate for a project—Jordan. Chill, funny, very human. During a casual chat, I confessed, “I’m not great at this kind of stuff.” I meant small talk. I meant existing.
Jordan didn’t laugh. He just said, “Yeah, me neither sometimes. It’s weird how much pressure we put on ourselves.” That moment shattered something inside me. Not because he fixed me. But because he didn’t make it weird.
Small Practices That Helped
- Slow exposure: I made it a goal to ask one stranger a simple question each week—directions, menu suggestions, anything
- Body scan breathing: Before social events, I did 5-minute check-ins to calm my racing thoughts
- “Yes, and…” journaling: I wrote down one thing I did well socially—even if it was just making eye contact
- Stopped apologizing: I replaced “sorry I’m awkward” with silence or “thanks for listening”
None of these “cured” me. But they made social life feel survivable. Then, gradually, enjoyable.
How I Met My First Real Friend
Jordan and I kept working together. We started getting lunch once a week. I didn’t perform around him—I just showed up. He didn’t fill every silence, and neither did I. One day, I told him how hard friendships had been for me. He listened, nodded, and said, “That makes sense. But you’re not hard to be around.”
“I think you’re brave for trying,” he said. I believed him. And that changed everything.
The Slow Beauty of Trust
Social anxiety didn’t vanish overnight. I still overthink texts. I still dread group chats. But I don’t isolate like I used to. I now have three people I trust enough to call when I’m anxious. And that’s more than I ever thought I’d have.
I learned that friendship doesn’t start with charm. It starts with honesty. You don’t have to be entertaining. You just have to be real—and find people who can sit in that space with you.
Conclusion
Overcoming social anxiety isn’t about becoming an extrovert. It’s about making peace with your own rhythm and learning to speak even when your voice shakes.
If you’re still hiding in silence, I see you. Start small. One conversation. One person. One honest moment. That’s all it takes to open the door. The right people will walk through—and stay.